Annual Reflection & Goal-Setting - 2026

 

I've had this blog for ten years now, and every new year I've written a post reflecting on the past year and setting goals for the year ahead. I was hesitant to do that this year as it's been a very tumultuous, difficult year for me (worse than 2020) that began with an ending and I really wasn't sure I wanted to reflect on it. But, I decided maybe that would be the best way to close that chapter once and for all and move on to better things! Fair warning, this is probably going to be a lot to read, but this past year was definitely A LOT!

Around the middle of 2024 I had begun to realize that no matter what or how much I did my work was never going to be valued or appreciated by management, and nothing I did was ever going to be good enough. I struggled with deciding whether to go or stay, because I was proud of all I had accomplished and had grown attached to all my regular patrons, but what started as a generally dysfunctional environment then became overtly hostile, abusive, and deeply toxic. Over the years many of you have thanked me for my honesty in addressing the many challenges and issues we face on this blog, but unfortunately that honesty came with a price and I became the target of retaliation. At the end of January 2025, after weeks of workplace bullying and harassment, things came to a head and I finally left what had begun as my dream job but had become a nightmare. It was truly a bizarre, horrible, and demoralizing experience.

I was so burned out and traumatized I didn't even consider looking for another job for a couple of months. I am very fortunate to have a spouse with a significantly higher income so that I could afford to take some badly needed time off to rest, travel, focus on physical and mental health, and figure out what I was going to do next. One great outcome of this was that after three years of always feeling like I couldn't take time off, I finally got to take several trips I'd been dreaming of and visit my kids. During this time I also got back to a healthy lifestyle, got my blood sugar under control (I'm a type 2 diabetic), lost weight, and I'm in better shape now than I've been in years. It's amazing the damage a toxic environment does, and how much your health improves once you get out of it and away from the constant stress, belittling, and gas-lighting.

Now that I've been away from it and regained perspective, I can see just how toxic my previous workplace really was from the beginning, and I now know I should have left long before I did. I had a hard time letting go of what I thought was going to be my dream job; I kept convincing myself I could make it work, that I just had to work a little harder, do a little more. But now I know there is no way to succeed in a toxic environment, no way to make it work, and nothing you do will ever be good enough. There is no pleasing a toxic, insecure manager; in fact, the better you are at your job the more they will resent you. As much as I hated leaving all the kids and families I had built relationships with, I should have done it much earlier. I now recognize the red flags I should have seen early on and regret passing up other opportunities. As another librarian friend tried to tell me, that library had likely been toxic for so long that they didn't know any other way to be. I didn't want to believe it at the time, but they were so right. 

During my time off I re-evaluated my career and even considered leaving librarianship. I was burned-out, disillusioned, and very disheartened by the continually growing anti-library and anti-librarian movement and the realization that the great managers I'd had earlier in my career were probably the exception rather than the rule. But after I had time to rest and recover, I realized I wasn't ready to give it up just yet. I still loved being a children's librarian; I just needed to find a workplace where I would be valued and treated with respect, and a position where I had a more manageable workload and could maintain healthier boundaries and work/life balance. 

After three months I began job-hunting, focusing on children's librarian positions in branches of larger library systems that would have centralized collection development and centralized summer reading planning and support. While I believe these are both very important and am proud of all the work I did developing a vibrant and diverse collection and a robust, evidence-based summer reading program, I realized that one person can't do it all, and I am content to have others perform those functions. I would prefer to focus on branch programming, day-to-day customer service, outreach, and building relationships with patrons. Also, being in a branch of a system puts some distance between you and upper admin, which I've learned is generally a good thing, making it much easier to keep your head down, focus on your job, maintain a more positive attitude, and ignore the BS.

Luckily, I found a position relatively quickly, and started my new job in early June. I am now the children's librarian at a smaller neighborhood branch in a larger system. I primarily assistant patrons, plan and conduct children's programs, and do outreach. I do some weeding, but I am not responsible for collection development; I do branch programming during the summer, but am not responsible for planning and designing the whole summer reading program. I also do not have any supervisory duties, which is something else I was happy to give up. I did take a small pay cut, but also a significant cut in responsibility and workload. The best part of my new position is that I am part of a great youth services team. My supervisor is a former youth librarian and really understands my job and all that it entails, and is very supportive. The teen librarian started at the same time I did and we have a great working relationship, providing support, advice, assistance, or just a sounding board for each other; there is none of the territorial behavior, competition, undermining, bulldozing, gas-lighting, or duplicity that I experienced at my last job. My stress and anxiety levels are so much less now!

The position is not without its challenges; no situation is perfect. I had to learn a whole new organizational structure and culture. We are understaffed and have a much smaller programming budget than I'm used to. There is not enough work or storage space, and our program/meeting room is way too small. It is challenging to get families to attend storytime, though I do get decent attendance at family and elementary programs most. While our library is used by the community fairly heavily for internet and other technology access and assistance, our circulation is very low (though it has gone up in the last few months!). The library is in a lower income community that is very diverse, with many that do not speak English fluently, so we frequently have to find ways around language barriers to help people, which can be very challenging, but also rewarding. But overall, the lower stress level far outweighs any of the challenges. Plus I got to meet Mychal Threets!

I have found that while I still want to be a children's librarian, I do not quite have the same level of passion for it as I used to, which honestly is probably more healthy. I give it my best for 40 hours a week, but no longer do I give it my all. I have accepted that sometimes "good enough" is good enough. A wise librarian once told me "don't let perfect be the enemy of good", and I now really understand what that means, and how important it is to be able to let go of frustrations and perfectionist ideals. I am going to focus on doing my job, but now I see it more as just that, a job. I have finally shrugged off the sense of vocational awe many of us have, and after five years as a professional librarian I no longer have the naïve idealism of someone new to the profession. I now have a more balanced approach; I am committed to doing a good job without making it my whole identity, re-defining success, and trying to resist the desire for external validation (though that's a tough one for me).

My goals for the upcoming year are pretty basic:

• continue prioritizing my health above everything else
• continue to maintain healthy boundaries and work/life balance
• continue getting to know the community and try to better understand their needs
• develop relationships within the community and the library system
• work on organization and time management
• increase storytime attendance
• increase outreach
• develop two new programs for 5&U
• Imagination Station - themed activities and dramatic play to encourage imagination, exploration, expressive language, and socio-emotional skills
• STEM Storytime- storytime that focuses on developing problem-solving and critical-thinking skills, inspiring wonder and curiosity, and modeling a growth-mindset with pre-math and science activities.
• maintain and possibly expand family & elementary programming
• take vacation time!
• go hiking at least once a month (this is my therapy!)
• read at least 1 book a month
• walk at least 3 days a week
• go to the gym at least once a week

Unfortunately, maintaining healthy boundaries and a healthy work/life balance means I probably won't be blogging that much, but I also don't want to give it up entirely, either. 

Wishing us all good health and peace in the coming year!

Happy New Year! 🎊🎆

Annual Reflection & Goal Setting - 2025

 

I've now been working in public libraries for 12 years (in March), writing this blog for nearly 10 years, and have been a degreed, professional librarian for four years. Every year before I write my annual reflection and goal setting post I review the previous few years. Every year since 2020 I have hoped the new year would bring some peace, but it never seems to quite work out that way, and this year was no exception. 

2024 was another difficult year, with many changes and challenges, including an unexpected restructuring and changing of job descriptions so that I am no longer a youth services manager over birth through teen (that position was eliminated), and am now the children's librarian, for birth through 6th grade. A new YA librarian position was created for teens and new adults (now as a separate department), and the vacant adult services manager position was also re-classified as just a librarian position rather than a manager. I no longer have the same level of autonomy I had before and now have to work under a very autocratic management style, which is not a management style I personally thrive under. All the changes were very unexpected and have been difficult to get used to, but it is what it is and I'm adjusting my expectations accordingly.

However, it wasn't all bad; some good things did happen and I was able to accomplish some of my goals, as well as others:

• I was finally able to fill the children's assistant position that had been vacant for a year.
• My programming budget, which had been slashed by the previous director, was returned to the previous level.
• Asked for and received additional storage cabinets in the program room, more than doubling our storage space, and finally have everything pretty well-organized.
• Also received an additional storage cabinet and shelving for my office. Still working on getting that all organized, but made significant progress.
• I was finally able to attend the ALSC conference. It was really great to spend a couple of days among my fellow children's librarians from all over the country and share ideas and experiences! (I was also very flattered when one person recognized me from my published research article and another recognized me from this little blog.)
• Finished the deep-dive into incentivized reading research I'd been wanting to do for a few years and wrote an article about the problems with traditional, heavily incentivized reading programs, as well as one on what we should do instead, complete with annotated bibliography.
• Had a very successful summer program, which though very busy, was also more enjoyable than stressful.
• Increased programming, developing a very well-received "Kidbrarian" program, adding a monthly Bricks, Blocks, Build! program for all ages (Legos, Duplos, Mega Bloks, and various other building sets/toys) and adding a monthly homeschool hangout-type program in collaboration with the new YA librarian.
• Was asked to give two presentations at our state youth services conference, one on STEM programming for younger children, and the other on my Kidbrarian program.
• Collection management was pushed to the back-burner a bit this year due to all the changes and staffing issues, but after having gone through several rounds of weeding the entire youth collection based on circulation the previous two years, I was able to review the board books, picture books, and early readers based on condition, and after weeding and shifting aggressively so that shelving followed best practices I freed up a significant amount of space to start expanding the picture book collection.
• Conducted a survey on youth services burnout, the possible factors contributing to it, and how youth services staff could be better supported. This is a major issue across the field, needs to be addressed, and we should be able to discuss it without fear of retaliation, though sadly that's not always the case.
• Developed collaborative relationships with the new YA and adult services librarians.
• Was finally able to clear out enough space and purchase furniture and accessories for the dramatic play area I've wanted to add since I arrived three years ago (pictured below)!!
  
  

Now, looking forward to 2025, some of the things I want to accomplish are:

• Work on organization, time-management, and planning further ahead. I've realized that to do this, I have to carve out dedicated time on my schedule for organizing and planning. Once I'm on top of that, I believe the time-management will take care of itself.
• Work on delegating more tasks, though this is very challenging because most of the time there isn't enough staff with the skills required who have the time and are available at the time I need them. 
• Keep my office reasonably neat and organized.
• Now that the new children's assistant is fully trained and ready, I am turning the weekly preschool storytime over to her in order to do more outreach, as well as having her take the lead on one program during spring and fall breaks, and a few programs during the summer, again helping me gain a more appropriate balance on where my time is going.
• Get back to spending an appropriate amount of time on collection management.
• Have summer reading all planned even earlier this year, by April 1st.
• Add regular programming specifically for 4th-6th graders in September.
• Attend the state public library and youth services conference, but probably not present. Though I like making a professional contribution to the field, it isn't supported in my position and presentation prep is done mostly on my own time.
• Continue tracking time and compiling data to document everything I'm doing and attempt to demonstrate the need for more staff in order to increase programming and outreach and offer better customer service (more on this in an upcoming post).
• As always, working towards a better work/life balance, trying to figure out how to leave work at work and not let work stress cause so much anxiety that it robs me of sleep, negatively affects my physical and mental health, and interferes with my life outside of work as it does now.

And once again, I hope for peace. I crave stability, calm, and a healthy work environment. But I don't know if that exists anywhere anymore. So I guess I need to instead hope for acceptance, being able to let go, not care as much, being able to compartmentalize more? The other thing I noticed in reviewing all my previous new year's posts is how the tone has changed and one can clearly see the trauma and burnout developing over the last few years. I'm not sure what the answer is, but in the meantime I'll keep trying to focus on the joy I find in working with the kids and families and building healthier boundaries. I still love being a children's librarian, just wish it wasn't as stressful and exhausting as it's been. 

Anyone else want to share 2024 accomplishments they're particular proud of? Let's normalize taking pride and voicing our accomplishments and celebrating each other!! Any exciting goals for 2025?

Happy New Year!!

End of the Year Reflection & Setting Goals for 2023

 

Thankfully 2022 did not bring big changes as 2020 and 2021 had, but it was still a very challenging year. I had just started a new position as the YS manager at a small-medium sized, somewhat rural library, where I basically had to start over and re-build everything from scratch. Nothing was in place, and my predecessor had left me absolutely no information. I quickly realized that the collection had been *severely* neglected, there had been little to no programming for elementary aged kids, the department was very sterile, cold, and unwelcoming; families were not using the library at all, and I certainly had my work cut out for me.

Reflecting on 2021 & Looking Ahead to 2022

 

Time for my annual reflection on the past year and setting goals for the year ahead. 2021 didn't quite turn out to be the return to normal that many had hoped, but it was a less tumultuous than 2020. However, that doesn't mean it was without its ups and downs. Personally, it was another year of big changes, but this time it was by choice and on my terms.

Librarian In Limbo

I feel like that should be the title of my blog now, because that's exactly what I am and probably will be for some time, and it's left me feeling very disconnected and a bit discouraged and frustrated.

I finally completed my MLIS, so I guess I can legitimately call myself a librarian now, but I won't really feel like one until I have a job with the title as well. And thanks to the Covid-19 pandemic, the job market is at a complete standstill. Many libraries are still closed (as they should be), almost all are under a hiring freeze, and the lasting repercussions of the pandemic will make an already poor and extremely competitive job market even worse for some time to come. But, I really need a full-time job with benefits now! I really worry that I just wasted a lot of time, hard work, and money on a degree for nothing, and I know the more time passes and the older I get, the harder it's going to be to get a full-time librarian job.

On top of that, I'm not working at all right now. The system where I am employed as a part-time paraprofessional has been closed since March 14, and still doesn't have a date for re-opening. A few staff members have been called in starting this week to prepare for curbside service beginning June 8th, but as circ staff was prioritized, I was not among them. I am very fortunate and very grateful that we are all still being paid regardless, but at the same time I don't really feel quite right being paid for doing nothing, and I miss working. I miss the routine, I miss my coworkers, I miss interacting with patrons, I miss programming, I miss feeling productive.

Even though there is no expectation that I do any work while on paid emergency leave, I've tried to at least do some professional development. I've watched several webinars, I've expanded on my MLIS research project, did some editing and re-writes, and submitted it for publication; I've been reading as much middle-grade and YA as I can, I've recycled the slides from prior training presentations and recorded them with voiceover, and I will start working on making some flannel board sets since I haven't had time to do that in well over a year. 

But it just isn't the same. I love programming and sharing my programs though this blog, but haven't done a single program since February. I volunteered to do virtual programming, but was told I wasn't needed as the nine children's librarians in our system have that more than covered. Of course it makes sense, when doing virtual programming as a system you don't need to do nearly the number of programs as when doing in-person programs at multiple locations, so it requires far fewer staff to do it. My system has done a phenomenal job in handling this crisis and looking out for the best interests of both staff and the community; I have no complaints about any decisions they've made. It's just after nearly 3 months I now feel so disconnected from work and the whole professional community, and tired of being inside my own head so much of the time.

To make matters worse, even when I finally do get to go back to work, things won't be the same. I'm anticipating we won't be doing in-person programming for quite some time, and I really miss it. I expect that we won't have toys and things out, and won't be encouraging people to come and hang out for a while; people will be encouraged to just come in, get their materials and leave. We will be wearing masks, using "sneeze guards" and practicing social distancing, making interactions with patrons much more impersonal. While I know these extreme measures are necessary, it still makes me very sad that we will now have to do the opposite of what we've worked so hard to do in making libraries a vibrant, welcoming space. It seems like libraries are being set back 100 years, thanks to this pandemic. I know it's only temporary; I just hope it doesn't take us very long to get back to where we were before once it's over.

So instead of working and job-hunting, I'm stuck here in limbo, waiting. Waiting for this pandemic to pass, waiting to go back to work, waiting for a children's librarian job to open up, waiting for life to get back to some semblance of normal. 

The last four years I have been completely focused on getting my degree and doing everything I can to develop professionally to prepare for eventually applying for a professional position. Now that the degree is over and everything else has come to a standstill, I am left with this huge void. I supposed it's a good time to get back to some of my other interests or develop new ones outside of librarianship.... Or thoroughly clean and organize my house....But, let's not get too radical.

Anyone else out there stuck in limbo, too? Not working, not doing virtual programming, and/or job hunt put on hold? What are you doing to pass the time or feel productive?